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How to get over a breakup

Breakups are tough, and it’s completely normal to feel sad or unsure about yourself. Here are some things that can help to make getting over someone easier.

1. Get some space

Where possible, give yourself some space away from your ex. Avoid seeing them for a while and give yourself time to adapt to the changes. This is a crucial step in how to get over a breakup.

It can be really tempting to get in touch with them particularly if you’re thinking about them a lot and wondering if they’re thinking about you. But this is normally temporary and does get easier with time. It’s best to delete and block them on social media so you can’t contact them.

Can you stay friends after a breakup?

There’s no right answer to this as everyone is different. Some people can stay friends and not feel that it harms them in any way while other people can’t move on while they’re still in contact with them.

It may depend on whether you were friends before the relationship in which case being friends afterwards may be slightly easier. If you have mutual friends you might have to stay in touch with them to some extent but don’t be afraid to put your needs first and avoid seeing them. If you stay friends, having a break from each other is still really important.

2. Let go of anger

Anger is a common emotion experienced after a breakup and it’s okay to feel it. However, it’s important to express your anger in healthy ways.

  • Acknowledge your feelings. Don’t try to suppress your anger. Instead, acknowledge it and allow yourself to feel it.
  • Find healthy outlets. Exercise, journaling, or talking to a friend can help you release your anger in a healthy way.
  • Avoid destructive behaviours. Avoid lashing out at your ex or engaging in self-destructive behaviour.
  • Seek professional help. If you’re struggling to manage your anger, consider talking to a therapist or counsellor.

Remember: Anger is a temporary emotion. With time and self-care, you can move through it and heal.

4. Accept what has happened

If someone breaks up with you, as hard as it can be, you must respect their decision. Trying to force them to change their mind is not consent.

Films sometimes portray ‘chasing’ and ‘winning them back’ as a solution and even romance, but this is problematic in real life.

The relationship has ended because it wasn’t working for one or more of you, and trying to force it back together again won’t work.

If you ended the relationship, feeling pain or heartbreak doesn’t mean breaking up was the wrong choice. It’s okay to feel sad, lost, or regretful while still knowing you made the right decision. You had your reasons for ending the relationship, so don’t forget them or doubt yourself.

Is having sex with your ex always a bad idea?

It’s easily done but having sex with your ex can cause even more heartache for one of you or both of you. The longer you go without seeing each other, the easier it’ll be to get over them so each time you see them it can set you back a bit and you may find yourself thinking about them more afterwards. You also might fall into the trap of trying to prove how much better you are without the other person but this rarely makes anyone feel better.

Don’t forget – STIs and pregnancy are a risk if you have unplanned sex without protection.

5. Be kind to yourself

This is not the time for destructive behaviours. Eat well, get sleep and stay active the best you can.

Try to stop fixating on your ex and really focus on keeping yourself healthy.

How long does it take to get over someone?

Everyone deals with breakups differently, but it’s normal to wallow and feel sad. There’s no standard amount of time that it takes to get over a breakup. It often depends on the person, what the relationship was like and how it ended. You might find it only takes a few months or you might still think about them years later.

The key part is that it does get easier with time – the more time you spend apart, the less you’ll think about them and the more you can get on with your life.

6. Talk to friends

Beat the loneliness and spend time with friends you trust. Sharing your heartbreak and getting a different perspective is always helpful.

But resist gossiping or badmouthing your ex. It’s likely you would not want them to do that to you. Social media is also not the ideal place to publicly air your anger.

7. Express your feelings

Embrace the feelings of grief instead of running from them.

Dealing with your feelings after a breakup can be really challenging. Movies and songs often make heartbreak seem beautiful and transformative, but in reality, it can be painful and leave you feeling sad, angry, or confused. You might even feel physical pain, like a sharp pang in your chest or stomach when something reminds you of your ex.

It’s also normal to feel relieved or even numb after a breakup. Sometimes, when emotions are too overwhelming, we shut them down, which can make us feel nothing at all.

You can use activities like art, journaling and sports as a physical outlet for your feelings. These can be therapeutic for expressing your sadness or getting out frustrations.

8. Embrace the freedom

Breakups can have an incredible ability to reshape our lives, propelling us towards growth and exciting new opportunities.

Your newfound freedom can bring a host of positive emotions. Enrich your life by doing things that make you truly happy, maybe find a new hobby to occupy your time or plan events with friends.

But be careful about jumping headfirst into big decisions! New people or new sexual relationships can be fun and can help people get over breakups. But be careful of being on the rebound and falling for someone just because it makes you feel good. A bit of time on your own to get your head together is not a bad thing.

Don’t fall victim to the ‘post-break up haircut’ or make other drastic changes to your appearance. Focus on feeling like you, rather than trying to create a new you.

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